So I decided to take a couple of weeks off from working on the novel and reflect on why I was feeling anxious and frustrated. I think a big reason is that with novels, there’s often no grand emotional reward at the end like there is with other forms of art.
Write a song or a poem? You can perform it at countless open mics in any city on any night during non-COVID times. And people will almost always clap, even if the performance is a little rough. Paint something, build a sculpture, or complete a photography project? Your Instagram and Facebook followers are eagerly waiting for you to post about it so that they can tell you how amazing it is. And you can also display the finished product in your home for your guests to at least pretend to admire. Finish a novel though? Ummm…want to put aside all the other books you don’t have time to read so you can give me feedback on my 300-page story???? No? Shit.
Even if you self-publish, it’s really hard to get anyone other than friends and family to buy it, so you almost need to strike an actual publishing deal to contribute to more than a handful of people through your art. My first novel took me two and a half years to write, and then I edited it off and on over the next five. And I think five people have read it. That’s a pretty poor return on investment! How the heck did I graduate from business school???
Thankfully, I’ve only spent 15 months on this one so far, but I fear I’m destined for the same outcome. Now, I did know all of this before I started writing the novel back in January 2020, but I wanted to work on it for my own self-healing, so even if it never finds its way onto a bookshelf at Barnes and Nobles, it was still absolutely worth the time and effort.
But man, I really want people to read it, so it’s time for a new goal: get an agent to read my first 10 pages in April and give me feedback. Given I can pay an agent to do this through The Manuscript Academy, this is actually a pretty achievable goal. Now, will they say I’m at least on to something with my story and ask to see the rest of the novel? There’s only one way to find out…