Following my novel character up to Crater Lake

Over the last few months, I’ve been able to take advantage of the Pfizer vaccine in my arm and travel to Arkansas, Massachusetts/Maine, and Chicago, and it made me realize that haven’t journaled much about the trip I took up from Alameda to Crater Lake last August to do some research for my novel.

Since I couldn’t travel much during the initial months of COVID quarantine, I decided that my main character, Ben, would do the adventuring for me. I had never driven north of Gualala on Highway 1 in California and had never been to Crater Lake in Oregon, so I had to rely on Youtube videos and Google searches to write about the cool places Ben would stumble upon on his trip. Now, is that the ideal way to do research for a novel that people who have actually been to these places would hopefully one day read? Uh…no. So after four months of lockdown and a temporary dip in COVID numbers, I decided to break free from Alameda, follow Ben up the coast with my dog, and make sure I had accurately depicted his journey.

The “why” of my trip made me think back to a Master Class session I viewed a couple of years ago from famed photographer Annie Leibovitz where she talked about why individuals should consider taking up photography. She said that “It's actually a wonderful medium for a young person to just go out and discover themselves and discover the world around them and it gives them permission to go out and look and have a purpose and observe." (I also wrote about this class in a post from 2019).

I think the point she’s trying to make here is that photography gives people a reason to leave their houses and see amazing things, just like my novel did for me last year. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the frustrating publishing aspect of writing that I forget about what else it brings to my life. Like a reason to just go out and discover myself and the world around me. For example:

Harry and Jules

As I finished writing a novel that I hoped one day would make it into the hands of millions of people, I quickly realized that it would be difficult to convince more than a few to read it in the short term. And, thus, my “why” of writing stories that lift people up would go unfulfilled for quite some time.

So I decided to put my ego aside for a bit and write a short story for my sister and her family for my niece and nephew’s first birthday. No huge ambition of one day getting it published and seeing my name in print. No dream of using this story to quit my day job and go into writing full-time. Just a simple poem for my family to enjoy (and my loyal blog readers too, of course!).

This made me think back to a blog post I wrote back in 2019 after coming back from the weirdness of Burning Man, which seems like a freaking lifetime ago. At that time, I reflected on all of the art pieces scattered throughout the enormous Playa and how many of them likely only had a handful of people who had seen them throughout the week. I was trying to determine if, given all of the hours the artist had put into creating the piece and the low number of visitors, it was worth it for them to create it at all. And I emphatically said, “YES!” as long as the piece changed the way those few people thought of the world or of themselves (obviously, the actual artist may have had a different answer).

And then I reflected back on myself and said that “if I can inspire one person with one of my stories, I really do need to put my ego aside for just a second and remember that creation isn’t always about going wide and getting as many eyeballs on my work as possible. It’s about going deep as well, even if that means just two inspired eyeballs.”

With my new story, Harry and Jules, I found those inspired eyeballs in my sister, brother-in-law, nephews, and niece, and that is more than enough. Well, at least for this story. So with that, here is Harry and Jules

Harry and Jules

Harry was walking with Jules in their yard,
While Mommy and Daddy were there standing guard. 

They looked on as CJ climbed up on the swing,
He swung up so high, it’s as if he had wings! 

Harry and Jules hoped to join in the fun,
But Mommy said swings aren’t for kids who are one. 

“You twins are too young, too fragile and small, 
If you climb on the swing, you’ll get hurt if you fall.

In no time, you’ll both be two brave acrobats!
If you fall, though, we’ll catch you, I promise you that.”

Harry was mad and he whispered to Jules,
“Let’s escape from the yard and go make our own rules!” 

They looked at the dog sleeping under a tree, 
And jumped on its back and at last they were free!

The twins and the dog scaled up bridges and walls,
They soared through the air without fear that they’d fall.

They ran toward an airplane and hopped on its wings,
And rose to the heights of the highest of swings.

They glided past hilltops and up to the shore,
Saw swimmers and surfers and sailboats more! 

But from so far up high, they began feeling afraid. 
They grew wobbly and faint and they teetered and swayed. 

Harry and Jules and the dog lost their grip,
They toppled and tumbled and flipped toward a ship. 

They thought they were doomed as they fell through the air,
But saw Mommy and Daddy and CJ were there!

“Help us! We’re falling!“ they yelled through the breeze.
The dog dropped to CJ, who caught it with ease.

Mommy caught Harry and Daddy caught Jules,
And the twins understood why their parents had rules. 

They love them and don’t want to see them in pain,
They protect them from danger, like falls from a plane. 

“Adventures will come!” Mommy said with a grin,
“And we’ll be there for CJ and both of you twins!”

They returned to their home, and in no time at all, 
The twins were both older and standing up tall,

So they walked through the yard and climbed on the swing,
They swung up so high, it’s as if they had wings!

CJ would push them from morning to night,
And Mommy and Daddy knew they’d be alright. 

First critique

OK! Not a bad first critique! I chatted with an editor from a top publishing firm over the weekend, and she had really positive things to say about my first 10 pages. She said that she was engaged with the main character, felt there is a story there that is marketable, and that she definitely wanted to keep reading after she was finished with the pages I had sent over. Though when I asked if she actually wanted me to email her the rest of the manuscript, she kind of dodged the question, but hey, I’ll take it!

So what’s next? I think it’s time to start emailing agents and seeing if they are interested in chatting with me about my manuscript without me first sending them $100. I mean, the goal is to eventually make money on this project and not have it be the reason I’m eating cereal for dinner (I’d prefer that reason be that I was too lazy to cook an actual meal. Like tonight).

Reaching out to one agent a week seems pretty doable. especially for a guy who spends his working hours doing sales, so it is time to start doing my research. Look out, agent #1.

A big challenge with writing novels

So I decided to take a couple of weeks off from working on the novel and reflect on why I was feeling anxious and frustrated. I think a big reason is that with novels, there’s often no grand emotional reward at the end like there is with other forms of art.

Write a song or a poem? You can perform it at countless open mics in any city on any night during non-COVID times. And people will almost always clap, even if the performance is a little rough. Paint something, build a sculpture, or complete a photography project? Your Instagram and Facebook followers are eagerly waiting for you to post about it so that they can tell you how amazing it is. And you can also display the finished product in your home for your guests to at least pretend to admire. Finish a novel though? Ummm…want to put aside all the other books you don’t have time to read so you can give me feedback on my 300-page story???? No? Shit.

Even if you self-publish, it’s really hard to get anyone other than friends and family to buy it, so you almost need to strike an actual publishing deal to contribute to more than a handful of people through your art. My first novel took me two and a half years to write, and then I edited it off and on over the next five. And I think five people have read it. That’s a pretty poor return on investment! How the heck did I graduate from business school???

Thankfully, I’ve only spent 15 months on this one so far, but I fear I’m destined for the same outcome. Now, I did know all of this before I started writing the novel back in January 2020, but I wanted to work on it for my own self-healing, so even if it never finds its way onto a bookshelf at Barnes and Nobles, it was still absolutely worth the time and effort.

But man, I really want people to read it, so it’s time for a new goal: get an agent to read my first 10 pages in April and give me feedback. Given I can pay an agent to do this through The Manuscript Academy, this is actually a pretty achievable goal. Now, will they say I’m at least on to something with my story and ask to see the rest of the novel? There’s only one way to find out…

Shifting goals

When I was writing the first draft of my book, I set an ambitious goal of 25 pages a month so that I could finish what I assumed to be my 300-page novel before the end of 2020. And I got pretty close! Like page 297 or so and quickly finished the last 10 pages during the first two weeks of 2021 (the book is now at 299 after some editing).

Then after the first draft came revising for the second draft, which I goaled myself on finishing by the end of Feb. And then editing my hundreds of grammatical errors with Grammarly by mid-March, and then working through my “come-back-to this-later” comments once that was finished, and then…what?

I’ve accomplished all of these goals and though my manuscript is far from perfect, I’m really happy with the current version. Do I need a new goal and keep pushing forward to get this thing closer to publication? Should I instead work on a new creative project for a while? Or is it best to hit the pause button and just chill the f out for a bit?

It’s weird, but instead of feeling grateful for having created a readable novel in under 15 months, I’m feeling really restless and a bit anxious and frustrated. Perhaps my new “goal” should be to take some time to actually live the lessons I write about in my book and notice and appreciate all that I already have a little more. At least for a few days…

2nd draft and getting feedback

So I’m just about finished with the second draft of my new novel (or is it my third or fourth or fifth? Who cares.). And now I’m ready to share my work with the world and start getting feedback. Oh shit!

Over the past 15 months, I’ve mostly kept my novel to only myself and any hackers who have been able to secretly gain access to my Google Drive account so that they can be among the first to read about a dude reluctantly going on a self-improvement journey in the woods (at least tell me what you thought, hackers! Am I any good????). During this time, I’ve been 100% certain with each page I write that my story will be a best seller and will find its way into the hands of millions of people who will all tell me how much my book has meant to them and how it has dramatically changed their lives.

And now? The realities of a semi-finished novel are upon me and I instead see a story filled with grammatical errors, plot lines that don’t quite work, characters who change a little too quickly, and jokes that don’t entirely land. Oh, how I miss the fantasies I spun while writing in a vacuum!

But this is an absolutely necessary step in writing a novel, putting your work out there for a trusted few to see, and letting them show you all of the warts you have thus far overlooked yourself. So give me the Dr. Scholl's Clear Away Wart Remover. I’m ready to hear what you think, friends.

I'm back with a first draft

Alright, it’s FINALLY time to post again. While I obviously haven’t written a blog post in months, I wrote an entire first draft of my new novel in a year, so not too bad! But now that that’s done and I am officially in editing mode for the 2nd draft, I will need a new creative outlet. And blogging it is!

“Oh, now you have time for me. Whatever, Jason. Go write another dumb novel.”

“I’m sorry I’ve neglected you, blog! Take me back! Please, I’ll be better! I promise!!!”

“Fine…just chill out, man. Desperation’s not a good look on you.”

“THANK YOU, BLOG!!!!!!!!!!”

Wow, that was weird. Sorry about that. OK, so I’m back to blogging and I’ll write some more stuff later this week so check back soon!